sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
Randomize
