WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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