everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Lots of alcohol. 3rd graders fuck me now.
Auto correct or actual 3rd graders?
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize
