I could have mohawked her pubes.
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
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