i just broke my key off in the door of my house because the engine wasnt starting
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
sick fucks of a feather flock together
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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