We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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