Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
The neighborhood cougar just purred at me while I was doing yard work. I’m terrified and tumescent
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