Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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