i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
I just met his mom for the first time with a hang over. Then we went to watch his 8 year old cousin get baptized. Apparently his family loves me. I should drink more often.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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