also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
We get an extra hour of sleep. That means we can take an extra shot tonight. Sound logic. Thank you daylight savings.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
Randomize
