drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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