I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
