I hate your face
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
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