sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize