that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
