Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
