We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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