You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
