oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
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