We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Randomize
