I feel like abortions should bother me more
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
Randomize
