Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Randomize
