i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
Randomize
