Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Randomize
