apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
