I just called a child with a Yankees jersey a jerkoff. so much for a friendly day @ the ballpark
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Some milfs here doing some blow
Dad?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
I also have to vacuum the broken noodles out of my suitcase...
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
Randomize
