Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Sorry you saw me having sex with your brother on the beach
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
