we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
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