M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Randomize
