So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
