yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
For real. Like, if I ever had to choose a last meal, I would just choose to get high and eat whatever was around.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
