We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
She gave him a lap dance on the glass table. You can guess how that ended
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
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