We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
i drank out of a bidet.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
