yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
