just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Randomize
