yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
