I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
Randomize
