fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Randomize
