U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
