My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
