a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
Had to. She was getting married in 2 days & her vag was having a close out sale. You know I love a good bargain.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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