i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
soo... how was my night?
i out mim tonsoeep
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
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