If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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