apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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