My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
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