i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
