Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
but he gave me mouthwash after the bj. no ones ever done that for me before.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
