matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
i think my tv is drunk
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
Your parents are going to be so confused in the morning
More like pissed. but ill be sure to explain my pathological fear of terrorists hiding in the bathtub
I wish i could be there for it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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