You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
