I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
Randomize
