That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
Showing girls my stab wound was not the brilliant idea I thought it was.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
