i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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