You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
