I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
my favorite part of the night was when I was in the bathroom frantically trying to get my cat whiskers and nose off to make hooking up less awkward
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
Thanks again for allowing my sister to lose her virginity on your bed.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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