i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
Grow some girl-balls and come out already
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
When we were eating pie last night, I dropped some, and not only did you not judge me for far surpassing the 5 second rule, you let me use your foot to sock mop with. You're a good friend.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
