Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
