failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
Randomize
