Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
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