Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
EW HE JUST SNAPPED ME A NUDE BUT HE CENSORED HIS DICK BY COLORING IT I DID NOT ASK FOR THIS
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Randomize
