I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
Randomize
