She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
