Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
