Swine flu. Run for my life!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
He better not be in your backpack
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Randomize
