I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize