he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
