Your face is a jimmy john
I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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