uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
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