Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
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