literally had 100 drinks last night.
fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
