dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You left your phone here
Wait...
Randomize