bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
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