dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize