I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
