I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
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