hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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