I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I seem to have left my pride at pride
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
