he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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