well most of my day revolves around power hour
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
