If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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