ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i may or may not have triedto pee like a boy and then dipped cheese ino the olive oil
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
