lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
I just saw him at the bookstore and all I could think about was him licking your ass
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
whose parrot is this?
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
