i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
yeah, I don't think I'm getting into the baseball game tonight. The security guard definitely saw me bowl over that child.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
