oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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