so that wasnt chicken after all
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
porn star boner night. come get it.
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
Sorry. My phone died in the middle of you explaining why we would never work as a couple. Whatever you were gonna say, I probably agree.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
Randomize
