Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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