Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
He better not be in your backpack
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
