I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Randomize