so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
