Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
