i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
