just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
Blood and glitter go together right?
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
