just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
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