I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
