I'm going to jail i love you
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
she chugged a bowl of salsa and then gave my ferret weight loss tips. she's like my fucking spirit animal now
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
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