He looked like the mexican version of Steve Carrell with a unibrow.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Make sure your heart doesn't explode. These are words of wisdom.
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
Randomize
