We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
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