where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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