omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
